Why Do I Do It?

I love helping people but often get taken advantage of so I should learn how to just give enough…and no more.   

I often get asked about things by people as for some reason they always seem to think I will be able to help.  Well, I do my best.  But I know I always get carried away and they will expect me to do it for them in the end.  They just say they will leave it to me as I know all about it and they don’t.  Someone will ask me about how to do something on the computer or the internet and so I start to tell them but they can’t work it out, so my hand is itching to get to the mouse or the keyboard.  Do you know that feeling – it is sort of “ooh let me get at it”, a bit like a backseat driver in a way I suppose.  In the end I say I will show them and they willingly leap out of the chair to change places with me.  Now this is perfectly fine if I am just sorting out a problem for them – and believe me I am absolutely no expert but I suppose compared to them I probably am – but if they are wanting to know how to do something that they will probably want to do again I always make sure that I show them first but then get them to do it as well a couple of times so that they should know for next time.  I have even been known to send them instructions (every single keystroke type instructions) if they get stuck again so they can save them for next time they need to do whatever it was they were having problems with, as otherwise they keep asking me to do the same thing over and over again because they can’t be bothered to do it themselves or feel it is too complicated for them to manage.

I should have learnt by now as my mum was so dependent on me for everything from writing her cheques to choosing her curtains. She couldn’t do anything without either consulting me but mainly without me doing it for her.   My dad used to do everything when he was alive as she could never do anything or make decisions.  After he passed it was down to me to fill in his shoes and take over for her as she had no intention of ever doing anything herself.

 

I find people asking me about all sorts of other things and then wanting me to do it for them.  My husband has taken to asking me about looking for something or ordering something so we have discussed the best place etc. to get it from but I have realised that he then expects me to have ordered it whereas, as far as I knew, he was just consulting me and was going to order it himself.  If he or the kids want something they know I will go the full mile and search everywhere for the best item at the best price.

Sometimes though, it is just better if I don’t get too involved because I just waste too much time on it.  My daughter was away on holiday abroad recently and emailed me to see if I could look on the internet for a particular type of shop somewhere near where they were staying.  Well about 2 hours later I had finally run out of resources and emailed her all my findings.  When they came home I asked which one she had finally gone to and she just said they hadn’t gone to any of them in the end but thanks for looking for her! 

I have even been known to help people I hardly know with things that I should have just told them how to do without trying to help so much.  Some appreciate it which is great and some don’t – but I just like helping people – it is just my nature.  The only problem I find is that sometimes I have been so busy helping other people more than is absolutely necessary that I have no time left in the day to do the things I really need to do myself.

What I need to learn is to give the basic help someone needs without getting too involved.  If they ask me a question about something I should just give them the answer or explain it to them without going out of my way to look things up online for them or to find a different source for them.  If they can’t be bothered to follow that route then I shouldn’t be silly enough to use my time doing it for them either if they are capable of doing it themselves.  I can just feel pleased that I have helped them at all – and I do, I get a kick out of helping peopleJ

Todays trivia:

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Todays chuckle:

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
 
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
 
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
 
The man replies, "That would be my wife."