Fireworks

They used to say to keep your pets in on Guy Fawkes night but our poor cat has been under the settee most evenings for ages as she hates fireworks (or thunder) and it is the only place she thinks of as a sanctuary.  If the lounge door isn’t open she is beside herself until we open it for her.  The other cat and the 2 dogs take no notice (well one of the dogs barks when she first hears them if they make her jump).  What happened to fireworks only being on 5^th November, the actual Guy Fawkes night?  With the cost of them these days I don’t know how anyone can afford them yet alone use them on other nights besides 5^th November.  They start letting them off about a month before and carry on afterwards as well.  Years ago the only time you heard them not on 5^th November was when some boys got hold of some bangers.  These days the danger is well known but not so much years ago.

When I was a child we only had a small box of fireworks in the garden that were pretty pathetic really.  At that time everyone just had some in the garden around a bonfire or got together in small groups as there were no organised displays then (well not that I know of but then I was only a childJ - so on the assumption that we never went to any I would guess that maybe there weren’t any to go to).  You certainly didn’t see lots of fireworks going off in the sky like you do these days. 

Then by the time I had my own children fireworks seemed to cost too much for using at home so everyone went to the organised functions with much bigger and more interesting fireworks.  Some still had the smaller ones at home of course and they got more and more expensive so less and less people had any at home, unless they had a small box of them plus some sparklers before they went to the bigger organised functions.  But still people only let them off on 5^th November or the weekend before if it fell midweek.  Nowadays £100 only gets you a small box of garden fireworks that even the neighbours would have a job to spot as they are so useless.  The bigger displays cost thousands of pounds to put on and some towns have a really big display costing quite a few thousand pounds.  But it is a lot safer and a better way to watch them even if there are crowds of people there. 

I can’t believe we are so close to 5^th November and the weather is still so mild.  I can’t really remember how cold it was to stand in the garden with the fireworks when I was a child but I certainly can remember what the weather was like when my own children were young.  We used to dress up in multi layers of as many clothes as we could with thick coats, hats, scarves, ear muffs, gloves and double layers of socks in our furry boots – and yet still we were freezing cold standing around to watch the firework show.  Very few shows, even the smaller ones, had bonfires to keep people warm.  This year I think most people will be quite warm enough in just a jacket over a jumper.  How times have changed.

Here are some more of those Universal Laws:

Variation Law - If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
 

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre and Sports Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

This made me chuckle so this is todays joke:

Getting a hairdryer through Customs...

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favour?'
‘Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.